Relationship with a Narcissist

A couple months ago I cut ties with one of my closest friends of 15 years. It was not an easy decision, and it hurt like hell. This person had been my friend even before I was married. I met him at a really low time in my life. I was suicidal. And he helped me through it. It was an online friendship, we met in a chatroom. But wait, it was a chatroom on a site called "The Council of Elrond". If you needed proof of my geekiness, there ya go. But he was one of my closets friends and we never met in person. So I don't want to hear that, "Online friendships aren't real," crap.

We could talk to each other about anything, we helped each other through problems in life, we both had depression and anxiety issues so we understood when one of us was having a hard time. But the last couple years things started feeling weird.

He gradually started to gaslight me. When I was having an issue he wasn't as understanding. He made me feel stupid, or broken. He randomly would get mad at me and just stop talking to me, and any with anxiety knows how that messes with you. One of my biggest anxieties is that everyone is just tolerating me and can't stand me. When you're best friend ghosts you suddenly cause they're upset and you have no clue what you did? That breaks your brain along with your heart.

He stopped communicating about his life and would get upset when I asked, as if I was being pushy and invasive. But if he needed to talk to me I better be available and I had to coddle him or I was being an insensitive bitch and just didn't get it. He would say things to upset me then tell me I was taking it too personal and overreacting. He never apologized or accepted that my feelings were valid. Once I sent him a picture of my daughter in a dress I had made and he made fun of how she looked. I got angry and he told me that he wouldn't apologize because he had done nothing wrong, that no matter who's child it was he would have made a rude comment and it didn't matter if he was close friends with their parents or not.

The last conversation before the big fight I made a self deprecating joke and he quickly messages, "Ugh, I just...Just have to go." And he signed off that profile. He had a second profile he had created from being in Facebook jail. And I saw he signed in to that one. I was hurt and crying and not really sure what I had done to upset him. So I sent him a message on both profiles apologizing and explaining I didn't know what I did but if I upset him I didn't mean to. I wasn't expecting him to answer right away, I figured he'd just message when he saw or could.

Almost a day later he's still ignoring me. I finally asked if he was still mad and why. He ended up messaging me back saying yes he was and that if I wanted to push him away pursuing him when he says he's done talking to me will do it. That he had other friends he still wanted to talk to so he got on the other profile to talk to them but not me. He then threatened to make another account I didn't know about so he could avoid me better, He accused me of thinking his only life was online talking to me. That if he was to stay and talk he would say horrible things and hurt me.

I was so caught off guard. I wasn't messaging him more than I had before, actually was talking to him less because he seemed to be getting uninterested in talking to me anyway. I had tried to talk to him about his life and if there was anything I could help him with, but he started keeping that from me. At one point he told me that he might start feeling resentful for helping me when I was having a depressive episode or anxiety attack.

He said I was special, his best friend, but he wasn't willing to try to talk things out with me? He would say horrible things to me? Even when I wasn't doing something to purposefully upset him? And he knew about my anxiety and how when he just stopped talking to me it messed with me big time. He was proving one of my biggest anxieties, that even my best friend couldn't stand me.

After fighting for literally 24 hours, I finally said I was done. I had tried a few times saying I couldn't do it anymore and he wouldn't listen, just kept telling me to stop trying to leave. But I couldn't take it anymore. He used to help me, but he started hurting me, and I didn't even notice that he was causing so much of my depression and anxiety.

That night I was sure I was going to have a really hard time, but I had posted about needing to talk and have a distraction because of a "break up" with my best friend. I had 7 people message me to talk about it or keep my mind off it. It was confirmation to me that I wasn't the problem, that he had some things going on and his own concerns and problems were more important than my feelings or anxieties. And I have no problem with listening to other people's problems and trying to help. But he wasn't giving me anything, just getting mad and not talking to me.

I realized that for a long time I had been feeling less than and inadequate, and a lot was stemming from how he was talking to me and making me feel. Afterwards, reading about gas lighting and narcissists, I realized that's what I was dealing with the last couple years. They're not just in romantic relationships, you can get them in friendships as well. If you've dealt with this and were able to remove yourself from the situation, you are so strong and have made the right choice to move forward and grow. I am so proud of you!

#lifestyle #humor #moms #narcissist #gaslighting #relationships